Who likes Puns?

Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest:








1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The flight attendant looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."


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%26gt;2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!”


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%26gt;3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it immediately sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.


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%26gt;4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."


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%26gt;5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.


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%26gt;6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said," I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."


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%26gt;7. A woman has identical twins and is forced to give them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're identical twins! If you've seen Juan, you've %26gt;seen Ahmal."


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%26gt;8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.


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%26gt;9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


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%26gt;And finally:


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%26gt;10. There was the person who sent ten different puns to friends with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Who likes Puns?
3 6 8 and 9 are super funny. im still laughing!
Reply:o-tay den
Reply:Brilliant!
Reply:Ha!


Fantastic set of puns, number 7 is my favourite!
Reply:watz a Pun
Reply:very clever
Reply:An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.





"What did you do that for?" Asked a passing giraffe.





"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago."





"Wow, what a memory" commented the giraffe.





"Yes," said the elephant, "turtle recall".





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The French will eat almost anything. A young cook decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city. He searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found. Finally, an old priest at the cathedral said he could have a small area behind the rectory for his rabbits. He successfully raised a number of them, and when he went about Paris selling them, a restaurant owner asked him where he got such fresh rabbits. The young man replied, "I raise them myself, near the cathedral. In fact, I have ... a hutch back of Notre Dame.





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Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
Reply:some are cute.... some are just awful
Reply:Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.


A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.


Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?


A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.


What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)


If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.


6 is scared of 7, because 7 8 9.





Number 9 and 10 on your list are very clever
Reply:10 out of 10
Reply:I love them!!!





My two favourites (other than the Kayak one already listed):





Snow White received a camera as a gift. She happily took pictures of the Dwarfs and their surroundings. When she finished her first batch she took the film to be developed. After a week or so she went to get the finished photos. The clerk said the photos were not back from the processor.





Needless to say, she was disappointed and started to cry. The clerk, trying to console her, said,





"Don't worry. Someday your prints will come".





Another one...





A man walks into a butcher shop and says to the butcher, "I'll bet you 50 bucks that you can't reach that beef on the top shelf." The butcher shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry I can't. The steaks are too high."
Reply:Thnk god!!


For a min there i thot iwas the only 1 who lost intrest in the puns
Reply:lol
Reply:4 was good.


7 was decent


9 was OK


10 was good as well.
Reply:Those were pretty creative.
Reply:i dont get it..
Reply:clever, especially no.9
Reply:idiot......